Hold Me, Keep Me
by leafeater
Summary: Remus receives some shocking news. Sirius struggles to help him cope. Mild implied fluffy-slash, nothing graphic. This one works as a sequel to "The Morning After" or as a stand-alone.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer - You know the drill. You don't seriously think I created Harry Potter, do you? Give me a break, I'm not that smart. No, these characters are the sole property of J. Rowling and a number of publishing companies.   
  
A/N - This is a pseudo-sequel to my last fic, "The Morning After," but it works as a stand-alone too. As always, I'll keep updating as long as I keep getting feedback!  
  
HOLD ME, KEEP ME  
  
"Pawn to E-4!" Sirius directed. He and Remus were playing chess.  
  
Remus grinned and sent his castle in to checkmate Sirius' king. The moon was waning, and he was happy. On the rug in front of the fire, Peter was practicing his transformations under James' direction.   
  
"You've got to concentrate, Wormtail," James said. "You're not focusing. Keep the whole rat in your mind."  
  
"I'm trying!" Peter was sweating with effort. He tried again to transform, but ended up with a tail and covered in hair. "This is impossible!"  
  
"You can do it, Pete," Remus said absently, resetting the chessboard.  
  
"Yeah," Sirius agreed. "Remus just beat me at chess, anything's possible."  
  
"I always beat you, Padfoot," Remus grinned.   
  
It was the evening after the full moon. Sirius and James had transformed and spent the entire night watching over Remus' werewolf, but Peter hadn't been able to manage the transformation yet. Determined to be ready by the next full moon, he was practicing hard at every opportunity. Screwing up his face, he made the transformation again.  
  
"Ooh, ears!" James cried. "Hey, that's better Wormtail, I reckon you'll have it before long!"  
  
Remus, curled up in a blanket in the thickest and squashiest armchair, smiled. The day after his transformations he was always exhausted, so he and his friends would sit around the Gryffindor common room talking and playing games. At least one of them was always willing to skip classes (usually Sirius, Remus thought wryly). Today, however, there had been a Potions exam and they'd had to go.   
  
But they were back now, and the evening stretched before them, full of possibility. Even confined to the common room, it seemed to Remus as though anything could happen. Life was always full of wonder after a full moon; the relief that it was over combined with the physical effect a waning moon had on the body of a werewolf, and he felt more peaceful than at any other time. He was content to sit here and watch Peter try to master this transformation, to watch his friends laughing and enjoying themselves, secure in the knowledge that they cared for him.  
  
Suddenly the portrait hole began to open. Panicky, Peter (who was scurrying around on the floor - he'd managed to shrink down to rat-size) resumed his normal shape. James kicked his invisibility cloak under the chair Remus was sitting on, and Sirius shifted a book to rest atop a piece of parchment in front of him. The entrant turned out to be Maria, a dark haired seventh year whom Remus was pretty sure was head girl despite James' maintaining it was a Hufflepuff called Serena.  
  
"Remus Lupin?" she called. Surprised, he stood as she walked over to him. "A message from the headmaster." Maria handed him a slip of parchment and walked away toward the staircase leading to the girls' dormitories.  
  
"What's it say, Moony?" Sirius asked after an uncomfortable silence.   
  
Remus unfolded the parchment. " 'Mr. Lupin; please report to the headmaster's office immediately.' What have I done lately?"  
  
"You're kidding, right?" James glanced at him. "The real question is why he wants to see just you and not all four of us." Sirius nodded his agreement.  
  
But as Remus walked to Dumbledore's office, he had an uncomfortable suspicion of what was going on. The headmaster probably wanted to tell him off, he decided, for allowing his best friends to do something as foolhardy as running around with a werewolf. Even in animal form, Remus knew his friends were taking a terrible risk, and he felt guilty about it. But after last night, how could he bring himself to ask them not to do it again? Last night Sirius and James had stayed with Remus as animagi for the first time, and he'd not only managed to keep from biting anyone (including himself), he'd actually gotten some sleep. Remus had never slept on the night of the full moon before.   
  
How had Dumbledore found out? Madam Pomfrey must have told him, Remus reasoned. They should have realized she wouldn't believe that James and Sirius had been scratched by each other's brooms.  
  
Dumbledore was waiting outside his office. "Come on up, Mr. Lupin. I have something rather serious to discuss with you."  
  
Heart sinking, Remus ascended the stairs and sat in a chair before the headmaster.  
  
"Remus, I've just had an owl from a Raymond Lupin."  
  
For a moment nothing registered. Why was Dumbledore telling him this?  
  
"He claims," Dumbledore continued slowly, "to have lost his son one night about ten years ago. He says the boy was out playing in the backyard and was abducted, and that he hasn't seen or heard from him since."  
  
"Hang on," Remus croaked. He felt as though he might fall off his chair. The room had tilted, and his life had slipped beyond his control. "Are you saying…did you say his name was…"  
  
"I believe him to be your father," said Dumbledore. "Mr. Lupin writes that he has given up hope of ever seeing his lost son again, but that his wife refuses to let go. He wishes to ascertain that the boy is not in school, because his wife believes that wherever the child disappeared to, he would have made it to Hogwarts if he had lived.  
  
"But…" Remus swallowed. "But it might not be me, right? There are a lot of Lupins…"  
  
"There are very few. And I have no doubt that it is you, Remus. Not only did Raymond include his son's name - Remus Jay - he also gave a very detailed physical description. It matches you quite accurately."  
  
Remus was shaking. "What does this mean? I don't understand…have I got to…meet them?"  
  
"I will be writing to your father tomorrow," Dumbledore said gently. "I will inform him that you are indeed here, and that you have been notified of his owl. He may then wish to contact you directly, or through me. I will of course make it clear to him that he is not to attempt to remove you from the premises for any reason, and that if he wishes to arrange a meeting he should do so through me.  
  
"Remus, I know this comes as a terrible shock. No one is going to force you to do anything you are not comfortable with, but I feel sure your parents are eager to be reunited with you after all these years. Please return to your dormitory and think carefully about how you would like to proceed."  
  
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''  
  
Sirius was alone in the fifth-year boys' dormitory, idly pretending to read over his History of Magic essay, when the door banged open.   
  
Remus stood in the doorway, soaking wet. Water dripped from his clothes down onto the floor. His face was pale, his eyes haunted. Sirius sat up, tossing aside his essay. "Hey, Moony, you okay?"  
  
Remus didn't answer. He just stood there, shaking and staring. Concerned now, Sirius approached his friend. "Moony? Come on, mate, you're all wet." He took Remus by the hand and led him over to his bed. Remus did not resist, but he also didn't respond. Sirius stripped off his friend's shirt and pants and wrapped him in a large fluffy towel. He dried Remus' body gently, worry mounting. Finally, he wrapped Remus in his bathrobe and eased him down onto the bed. "Remus? Talk to me, Remy. What's going on?"  
  
A low, hoarse voice rose from the depths of the bathrobe. "Dumbledore found my parents."  
  
Sirius was stunned. He had known that Remus didn't have a family, but they'd never really talked about it. Whenever it had come up Remus had changed the subject, and he and James and Peter had never pressed the matter. "What do you mean?"  
  
"My father wrote. Looking for me." Remus lay down on the bed, curled up in a fetal position.   
  
"Well…aren't you happy?" Sirius asked. "He missed you, he was looking for you. Are you going to meet him?"  
  
"Dunno." Remus looked exhausted. Sirius lay down on the bed beside him and wrapped an arm around his friend. "I don't wanna talk about it right now, okay?"  
  
"Okay," Sirius hugged him. "You want to be alone?"  
  
Remus looked down. "Could you stay? Please, just for awhile?"  
  
"As long as you need me."  
  
Remus was quiet for a long time. After a while Sirius felt him shudder, and realized he was crying. He reached down and pulled the blanket over both of them, settling in for the night. His best friend needed him, Sirius decided, and he wasn't leaving. Remus rolled over to face him and curled up against his chest. Sirius held him fiercely, protectively, and let Remus cry against him. "It'll be okay," he whispered.  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"Because I'll make it okay," Sirius said firmly, one hand gently massaging Remus' shoulders. "I swear, Remy, I won't let anyone hurt you. No matter what." 


	2. Arrangements

Disclaimer - You know the drill. You don't seriously think I created Harry Potter, do you? Give me a break, I'm not that smart. No, these characters are the sole property of J. Rowling and a number of publishing companies.   
  
A/N - This can be read as slash or non-slash, and I didn't really intend it one way or the other. So take it however you like! Enjoy, and review!  
  
AffectedMangoO - this chapter ought to answer your questions J  
  
HOLD ME, KEEP ME  
  
Remus awoke confused. Where was he?   
  
He struggled to sit up, but something was weighing him down. He managed to push himself up a bit and realized Sirius was asleep practically on top of him. The events of the past night began coming back to him.  
  
He had spoken to Dumbledore…his father. Dumbledore had found his parents. He had gone out walking in the rain, and returned to find Sirius waiting for him. Remus realized Sirius must have fallen asleep in his bed. Sighing, he pushed his friend aside and crawled over to the next bed, the one belonging to Sirius.  
  
Sirius mumbled something and flopped down, his hair falling into his eyes. Remus felt a sudden rush of affection for his best friend. Sirius had always been so kind to him. Remus thought back to the day they'd first met on the train to Hogwarts in their first year. He had been shy and nervous, worried no one would like him, wondering where he would find friends. Sirius and James had been monopolizing one of the compartments, talking animatedly and throwing chocolate frogs around. It had been Sirius who had first noticed Remus wandering and had casually called him in. Sirius had cheered louder than anyone when Remus was made a Gryffindor, and had insisted that Remus sit in a seat he'd saved for him. Sirius had run to the dormitory that night and claimed the bed next to the corner one, allowing Remus to have the corner, where he was most comfortable. He had always made a special effort to see that Remus was happy and content.  
  
And last night he had comforted Remus, had let him cry unquestioningly, had stayed with him until he fell asleep. Remus curled up on his best friend's bed and watched him sleep, smiling a little. Maybe it really would be okay. After all, what was so upsetting about meeting his parents, for the first time in ten years? He should be happy, he reasoned. They'd obviously made an effort to find him. That meant they'd missed him. They'd be pleased to have him back. Instead of spending the summer holidays in a muggle group home, he would be able to be with a family who loved him and cared for him. Instead of lonely Christmases at Hogwarts, he could celebrate with his newfound parents.   
  
And yet he worried. I won't be that little boy they're looking for, he thought. Even if the child they lost is me, I'm not him. Not anymore. And a colder, harsher thought suddenly occurred to him - they wouldn't know he was a werewolf.  
  
Remus had very few memories of his home or family, but he did remember the night of his werewolf attack. The night he'd been bitten he'd made his first transformation and run away from home. He'd gotten so thoroughly lost that he'd never managed to find his way back, and had been taken in by the group home. The boy his parents had lost hadn't been a werewolf, hadn't killed. Would they still want him, Remus wondered, if they knew what he was?  
  
Sirius likes me, Remus thought. Sirius doesn't care I'm a werewolf. Some people are really just okay with it. It'll be okay.  
  
Sirius stirred, his eyes opened. "Hey Moony."  
  
"Hi," Remus whispered. "Thanks, Padfoot."  
  
"Hey, it's okay…" Sirius sat up. "You want to talk?"  
  
"I guess…I don't want to wake up these guys."  
  
"We'll go down to the common room." Sirius led the way, and they sat in front of the fire. "So what happened, Remus? You said Dumbledore found your parents?"  
  
"Yeah." Remus stared pensively into the flames. "I mean, he thinks he did. He got a letter from some guy looking for me. Says he's my father. Gave a pretty good description."  
  
"So how come he's just now looking for you?" Sirius asked. "I mean, why didn't he try writing to Dumbledore back in your first year?"  
  
Remus sighed. "They thought I was probably dead. Only his wife…my mother, I mean…well, she had the idea to see if I'd ended up at Hogwarts."  
  
Sirius wore a puzzled expression. "Isn't that good news though? It'll be nice to be reunited, right? Have a family again and all?"  
  
"I guess. It might be. I don't know." Remus avoided looking at Sirius. "Things are good now, you know? And I waited for them so long, but they never came, and I'm happy again. And I don't want to think about the past. It…it hurts." He was hugging himself a little. "D'you know I used to chain myself up in this wet old basement during my transformations? No one knew I was a werewolf…well, I lived with muggles, I couldn't really tell them, could I? And I'd scratch the hell out of myself, and then I had to clean myself up and pretend nothing had happened."  
  
"Oh, Moony…" Sirius touched his shoulder.  
  
"I don't remember being with my parents, Sirius. Everything I remember before I came here is bad. And maybe they're great parents, but to me they're part of that nebulous past that I just want to leave behind me.   
  
"And they don't know I'm a werewolf, either," he pointed out. "Sure they want me now, but how do you suppose they'll feel when I tell them that?" He sighed. "It's not just that. I don't know what they expected of me. What if I'm just a great big disappointment and they wish they'd never contacted me?"  
  
"No," Sirius cut in hoarsely, and Remus was startled to see tears in his eyes. "Moony, you won't disappoint them. You're wonderful. They'll love you."  
  
"But what if they don't?"  
  
"They will, or they're fools," Sirius managed a half-smile. "In which case, who cares what they think?"  
  
"I've got to see Dumbledore after classes," Remus said. "Do you think you could…I mean, if it's not too much trouble…"  
  
"I'll be there." Sirius gripped his friend's shoulder. "You don't even need to ask."  
  
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''  
  
If Dumbledore was surprised to see Sirius accompany Remus into his office, he didn't show it. He simply motioned for the boys to sit down, before taking a seat opposite them behind his desk.  
  
"Your father owled this morning, enclosing a note for you," Dumbledore addressed Remus, handing him a piece of parchment. Sirius leaned in to read over his friend's shoulder.  
  
--Dear Remus - I can only imagine how awkward this must be for you. I hope we will be able to speak in person before long. Your mother and I were most relieved and pleased to hear that you are getting along so well at Hogwarts. You have not left our thoughts these ten years, and we are eager to be reunited with you and begin to rebuild our family. We understand this will take time and wish to give you as much time as you need. However, please know that we anxiously await the day you feel ready to meet with us. Best Regards, Raymond J. Lupin.--  
  
Remus kept his eyes on the parchment long after Sirius knew he had finished reading. Dumbledore seemed to know as well, for he spoke after a decent interval. "Have you considered meeting with them, Remus?"  
  
"Yeah." Remus spoke so softly that Sirius wasn't sure he'd actually spoken. For a moment he thought he must have imagined it.  
  
"What would you like to do?"  
  
"I'll.." Remus swallowed. "I'll meet them. But I want Sirius to be there."  
  
Dumbledore didn't seem surprised, but Sirius was This was the first he'd heard of this; he'd expected Remus would want to be alone with his parents. But if Remus wanted him…Sirius nodded to Dumbledore. "Right, I'm going with him."  
  
"I'll extend them an invitation to the castle," said Dumbledore. "You may meet with them here, in my office, and I will be present for the meeting. As will Mr. Black," he added, cutting off Remus' interruption. "I am sure they will want to come as soon as possible, will that be all right?"  
  
"Yeah," Remus said. Sirius felt a cold hand slide into his and gripped it.   
  
"Very well." Dumbledore dismissed them. Sirius wrapped an arm protectively around Remus' shoulders, and they headed back to the dormitory to catch up on some sleep. 


	3. First Meeting

Disclaimer - You know the drill. You don't seriously think I created Harry Potter, do you? Give me a break, I'm not that smart. No, these characters are the sole property of J. Rowling and a number of publishing companies.   
  
A/N  
  
SP-in-Sirius-Denial - I've been reading your stuff, and I like it! Be on the lookout for my reviews :-p  
  
AffectedMangoO - you don't have long to wait - Remus' secret will be revealed to his parents within the next couple of chapters. And I update pretty regularly J  
  
-Leaf  
  
HOLD ME, KEEP ME  
  
Remus sat rigidly in a chair in Dumbledore's office, awaiting the arrival of the headmaster and his parents. Rather than claim one of the other chairs, Sirius was standing behind Remus' chair, a hand resting gently on his shoulder, his eyes fixed on the door.   
  
"What do you think they'll be like?" Remus asked? "I mean, nice, or what?"  
  
"I'm sure they'll be great, Moony," Sirius replied distractedly.  
  
"Will they like me?"  
  
"If they know what's good for them."  
  
"Sirius, what if…"  
  
"Look, Moony," Sirius turned his full attention to his friend. "You need to stop doing this to yourself. I don't know what they'll be like, but I don't think they'd come all this way if they didn't care about you. And no matter what, no one is going to force you into anything. You're legally a ward of the state, and even if your parents sought custody, you'll be of age in a little over a year anyway. They'll be here any minute and you can see for yourself. Now will you please relax?"  
  
"I'm sorry," Remus managed a shaky laugh. "I've been worrying too much, haven't I?"  
  
"Yeah, a lot," Sirius smiled at him. "Hey, it's okay Moony. You've got stuff going on, I'm here for you. That's what friends are for."  
  
The boys fell silent as they heard the unmistakable sound of grating stone that meant someone was ascending into Dumbledore's office. A moment later, the headmaster's voice drifted up… "very confusing time for him, so this meeting will take place in the company of another young man and myself."  
  
"Of course…of course I understand…" that was unmistakably a woman. Remus felt Sirius' hand tighten on his shoulder. Then the steps stopped grinding, and Dumbledore stepped into the office trailed by a nervous looking couple.  
  
The man was small and thin and looked a lot like Remus. He had sandy hair and glasses were perched on his nose. The woman had darker hair and looked skittish. She was very pale. They followed Dumbledore in and sat uncomfortably on chairs opposite Remus, looking at him eagerly.  
  
Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Raymond and Cyrilia, Remus Lupin. Your son."   
  
The skittish woman looked as though she might burst into tears. "Remus…is it really you?"  
  
Feeling awkward, Remus stared at the floor. "It's me."  
  
Cyrilia buried her face in her hands, shoulders shaking. Raymond stepped forward and gripped her shoulders. "We're a bit overwhelmed," he explained to Remus. "I'd imagine you are as well." Remus nodded. "Remus, I want you to know I'm sorry. I blame myself for your kidnapping; if I hadn't yelled at you at dinner you'd never have been out playing alone that night. Do you know who your captor was?"  
  
"Um." Remus wasn't ready to tell. "Um, no. I don't. I don't remember." He could feel Sirius' eyes on him, but he knew his friend would understand why he hadn't told his parents about his lycanthropy. "But," he added hurriedly, "I don't think it was your fault. I wasn't being careful."  
  
Cyrilia looked up at him, her face wet with tears. "Oh Remus, I thought I'd lost you forever. When we didn't find you we thought you must have been killed too…"  
  
"Too?" Remus was confused."  
  
Raymond interjected. "We lost two sons, Remus. You had a brother, a year older than you…he was killed the night you were abducted."  
  
Killed the night I was abducted….? Remus felt cold. The night he'd left his family, the night of his first transformation, he'd killed. He'd awoken with someone else's blood all over him and clutching a green shirt that still haunted his worst nightmares. He swallowed hard. That might be unrelated… "Um, killed by who? Whoever took me?"  
  
"No," Cyrilia's voice was raw with decades of pain. "He was killed by a wild wolf."  
  
Remus' ears were ringing, the room was spinning. A wild wolf…a wolf…that's me…oh god, I killed my brother… he felt he was going to be sick. All the nightmares he'd ever had about that night paled in comparison to the horror he felt at this realization. How could he tell his parents he'd been responsible for the death of their firstborn son? As soon as they found out he was a werewolf, they'd know what must have happened. They would disown him. They would probably have him arrested, he'd be tortured and hated…even Sirius would hate him if he knew this…  
  
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''  
  
"Remus!"  
  
Remus had gone limp, slumped off his chair. Sirius dove and caught him. "Remy…Remy, c'mon, wake up, I got you, it's okay…" he murmured.  
  
"Is he okay?" Raymond looked concernedly at Dumbledore. Cyrilia looked as though she wanted to approach her son, but held back. Sirius glared around the room at no one and everyone, daring them to approach.  
  
"I suspect," Dumbledore said calmly, "that he is simply overwhelmed by everything he has learned in a very short space of time. Perhaps young Mr. Black here will escort Remus back to Gryffindor tower, and we can reconvene at this time tomorrow?"  
  
"Oh, of course," Raymond stood, put an arm around his wife. "Er, Mr…Black, is it?"  
  
Sirius looked up. "Yeah, it is."  
  
"Could you tell him…tell him we love him?" Raymond swallowed hard.  
  
Sirius met his eyes for a moment, and saw in them nothing but genuine concern for Remus. He allowed himself to smile slightly. "Yeah, I'll tell him."   
  
Raymond nodded and left, and Dumbledore indicated Remus. "Can you carry him back to Gryffindor tower?"  
  
"I think so." Sirius hoisted Remus over his shoulder and took a few steps. "I'm pretty sure."   
  
"Make sure he gets a lot of rest, and Sirius?" Dumbledore's piercing gaze fixed on him. "Talk to him. Let him get everything out. If he knows you're there for him, he'll talk to you."  
  
Sirius nodded.  
  
"All right. We'll all meet back here tomorrow then." Dumbledore turned his attention to a piece of parchment on the desk in front of him, and Sirius took it as dismissal.  
  
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''  
  
"…just passed out?"  
  
"Yeah, right in the middle of the meeting."  
  
"And he's not up yet?"  
  
"Nope. So you can't come up here, Peter. He needs his rest."  
  
"You're up there."  
  
"Dumbledore's orders. I'm watching over him. Go on, now, I'll tell you when you can come up."  
  
Remus opened his eyes. As soon as he'd done so, the conversation with his parents came flooding back to him and he was so overcome with guilt and fear that he very nearly passed out again. Sirius would tell him later he'd moaned softly, but the first thing Remus was aware of was a cool hand on his face. "Hey, Remy, feeling better?"  
  
"No…" Remus moaned. "Sirius, this is so bad…"  
  
"What is it?" Sirius took his hand, looking concerned. "Talk to me."  
  
Hadn't he understood? "My brother, Sirius…He was killed by a wolf…"  
  
Sirius gasped with sudden understanding. "You think it was you?"  
  
"Yes!" Remus wailed. "Of course it was! How many wolves were running around my parents' backyard that night! Of course it was me!"  
  
"But…Remus…" Sirius searched for words to communicate his certainty that this horrible thing could not be true. "Remus, you'd know if you'd killed someone. You could figure it out when you woke up."  
  
Remus was almost hysterical. "I did kill someone that night! I never told you cause I knew you'd hate me but now everyone's gonna find out and my parents won't want me cause I killed their son and I'll be expelled and probably killed! And all I keep thinking is now you hate me! You!"  
  
Sirius gaped at him. "Remus…"  
  
"No, don't say it!" Remus sobbed. "Please don't say it! Please just go away, Sirius, if you ever cared about me at all just please…"  
  
Sirius pulled his friend into a fierce hug, holding him tight against his chest. Remus struggled, pushed him away, but Sirius just held tighter. "Shhhh….shhhh….Remy, I don't hate you, I could never hate you…oh, please calm down, Remy, I love you, I promise it'll be okay…"   
  
Bit by bit Remus quieted, until finally he lay gasping and exhausted against Sirius. "You…you don't hate me?"  
  
"How could you think that I would?" Sirius asked. "After everything we've been through together? You're my best friend, Remus, and I don't care what happened ten years ago during a transformation. It was not your fault, you need to understand that. I know what those transformations do to you. And this was the very first time, you weren't expecting it, you were five years old…even if it was you, Remus, it wasn't -you-. It was the wolf."  
  
"My parents won't understand that," Remus sniffled.  
  
"Maybe not," Sirius sighed. "But you know who will? Dumbledore. He'll know what to do. We can trust him."  
  
"We?"  
  
"Of course. Sirius hugged his friend. "I'm on your side, mate. Whatever happens, I'll be right beside you."  
  
Remus smiled a little. "Sirius, I don't even know what to say…"  
  
"Don't," Sirius grinned. "Sleep, Remy. You're tired. Tomorrow morning we'll go to Dumbledore."  
  
Relieved, Remus leaned back into Sirius' embrace and sank into a dreamless, peaceful sleep. 


	4. The Verdict

Disclaimer - You know the drill. You don't seriously think I created Harry Potter, do you? Give me a break, I'm not that smart. No, these characters are the sole property of J. Rowling and a number of publishing companies.   
  
A/N  
  
SP-in-Sirius-Denial - Done and done. Hope this clears it up for you. If not, you should check out chapter two of my other fic for more details.  
  
AffectedMangoO - Glad you're enjoying it. In this chapter, Sirius gets tough, but the sweeter side will be back.  
  
Versipellis - Yeah, it must be hell on him. I did that on purpose J Aren't I mean?  
  
HOLD ME, KEEP ME  
  
Dumbledore removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes, then replaced them on the bridge of his nose. "Mr. Black, I'm afraid I don't understand. You are telling me Mr. Lupin believes he is responsible for the death of his brother?"  
  
"I am responsible!" Remus yelled. "What don't you understand? I killed my parents' son!"  
  
Sirius grabbed Remus' wrist and pulled him back. "Remus, you need to relax for a minute. Sit down and be quiet." To his own surprise, Remus obeyed. Sirius turned back to Dumbledore. "Yes, Professor, that's what I'm telling you."  
  
"How is that possible? If Raymond and Cyrilia are to be believed, their son was attacked by a wild animal sometime after Mr. Black's abduction."  
  
"I wasn't abducted!"  
  
"Remus, SIT DOWN." Sirius sighed. "This is what I know, and it's not much. Remus had been playing outside for some time when he was attacked by a werewolf." Remus shuddered, but did not speak. "He was bitten, and as the moon was full, he transformed immediately after the bite. His parents think he was abducted that night, but really he was bitten by a werewolf. Remus has always known he killed someone that night, because he woke up with blood all over him." He turned to Remus. "Did I forget anything?"  
  
"The shirt," Remus said hoarsely.   
  
"Right. He also had a green shirt, a child's. Not his own. So all these years he's known he killed a child that night, but I guess he's just finding out it was his brother."  
  
"I didn't even know I had a brother…"  
  
"Remus," Dumbledore said sharply. Remus' head jerked up, but he did not meet the headmaster's eyes. "Does anyone else know about this?"  
  
"N…no…" Remus shook his head. "Just the three of us…"  
  
Dumbledore sighed. "Well, that's something. Remus, this is troubling news. I personally feel that your inability to control your actions as a werewolf leaves you free of any guilt, but the ministry and the public will not see it that way. Do I need to warn you to speak of this to no one?"  
  
Remus shook his head, looking like he might cry. "Sir, if…if I were…caught…"  
  
"I won't lie to you Remus," Dumbledore said steadily. "There would be a trial, and your parents would be within their rights to call for the death penalty. I believe the Minister of Magic would support them if they chose to pursue that path."  
  
Sirius sat down heavily. Dumbledore glanced at him. "Remus, I want you to know that as far as I'm concerned, nothing changes here. You are innocent in my eyes, and you will remain in school." If this was supposed to comfort Remus, it fell spectacularly short.  
  
"What about…what about my parents?" Remus swallowed hard. "At some point they'll want me home…they'll have to know I'm a werewolf…they'll figure out what happened, if they know that. They'll know it was me…"  
  
"I agree, eventually they will have to be told," Dumbledore frowned. "It's a difficult situation."  
  
But at this Sirius decided he'd had enough. "Right, that's it," he said sharply, standing up so abruptly that Remus started.   
  
Dumbledore looked at him mildly. "That's it?"  
  
"Don't you understand what this is like for him?" Sirius demanded. "How can you sit there and call it a 'difficult situation'? It's not difficult, it's not troubling, it's HELL! And you don't even have an answer!" Sirius was nearly in tears. "Why the hell did we come to you for help if you…"  
  
"Sirius!"  
  
Remus had jumped up from his seat and grabbed Sirius' arm. Sirius was surprised to find himself holding his wand as if he were about to snap it in two. Tears were streaming down his face. He looked at Remus and got another shock to see his friend's face. Remus was pale and distraught. Sirius felt a pang of guilt. "Moony, I'm sorry."  
  
Remus released Sirius, and the boys sat uneasily back in their respective chairs.   
  
Dumbledore continued as if nothing had happened. "You boys will return to your common room at once. Mr. Lupin's parents are due in just a few hours, and we will not tell them any of what we have spoken of here. The meeting will go forward as planned, and there will be no mention of Mr. Lupin's condition, am I understood?"  
  
Sirius and Remus nodded.  
  
"We will attempt to discover," Dumbledore continued "how your parents feel about werewolf rights and how they would punish their son's killer." Remus choked a little but said nothing. "And Remus, you would do well to remember this: whatever we find out tomorrow, you are not a killer. You are not to blame."  
  
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''  
  
Remus had hoped to get up to the dormitory without talking to anyone, but he was not so lucky today. James was waiting at the portrait hole.  
  
"Remus," he said coldly. "Sirius."  
  
Remus quailed under his friend's furious stare. Sirius just got mad. "What, James?"  
  
"You two haven't spoken to me or Peter in three days. You've been hanging out up in the dormitory all the time, you haven't come to meals. Peter got his transformation yesterday, and I bet you two didn't even know about it. So now you're going to tell me what's going on."  
  
"Look…" Sirius began angrily, but James cut him off.   
  
"Forget it, Sirius. I'm sick of this. No excuses this time. He's not unconscious, he's not asleep, and he's not meeting the headmaster. If somebody doesn't tell me what's going on right now…"  
  
Sirius snapped. He shoved James up against the wall so hard James actually shut up. He looked completely taken aback. "Just shut up, alright James? You have no idea what you're talking about. You have no idea what's been going on!"  
  
"Because you wouldn't tell me…!" James protested.  
  
"No, you know what, the hell with you! That isn't how it works all the time, James! When something happens, we don't just think, right, well I better run tell James then! Sometimes we have to stop and take a moment to just deal with it! So you can just shut the hell up! And I'm sorry you feel neglected, but that is not my biggest damn concern right now."  
  
Remus was standing against a wall, tears streaming down his face. Sirius turned to him, put a hand on his shoulder. "Remy, why don't you go on upstairs, okay? I'll talk to James, tell him what's been going on."  
  
Remus nodded. "Sirius…don't tell him about…"  
  
"I won't. You know I won't."  
  
Remus shot Sirius a grateful look and went upstairs. Sirius turned back to James, who had slid down to sit against the wall. "I'm sorry, mate. Did I hurt you?"  
  
"I'm all right." James allowed Sirius to help him up. "I'm the one who should apologize. You're right, it was none of my business."  
  
"No, look, James, it is your business," Sirius sighed. "Remus wants you to know. I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner…there's been a lot going on."  
  
James sat down in an armchair. "So…what is going on?"  
  
Sirius explained, carefully omitting the part about Remus' killing his brother. James was quiet until he'd finished. Then he spoke. "So Remus is worried about what his parents will think when they find out he's a werewolf?"  
  
"Yeah," Sirius said.   
  
"And that's why he's been up in his room crying for the past three days?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Sirius, there's something else, isn't there?"  
  
Sirius sighed. "Yeah, there is. But James, he's not ready for you to know the rest yet. You'll have to accept that for now. When he's ready, he'll tell you. Until then, just be there for him, okay? Let him know you care."  
  
"Sure." James glanced up at Sirius. "Is he gonna be okay?"  
  
Sirius shook his head. "I don't know."  
  
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''  
  
In Dumbledore's office that afternoon, Remus was shaking so hard he could barely make small talk with his parents. Despite the firm grip Sirius was keeping on his shoulders, Remus felt he might slip off the chair. Going over and over in his mind what he would say to get his parents on the subject of the brother he couldn't remember, he was hardly aware of what he was saying.  
  
"Do you feel better today?" Cyrilia asked anxiously. "We were concerned after you passed out at our last meeting."   
  
This was his opening. Remus closed his eyes momentarily before speaking. "I guess I was just surprised when you mentioned my…brother…I never knew I had one."  
  
"Yeah, had," Raymond said bitterly. "You had a brother. We had a family. Everything was destroyed in one night."   
  
Remus felt his heart clench with guilt and grief. Sirius' hands tightened on his shoulders. "He was killed by a wolf?"  
  
"Probably a bloody werewolf," Raymond said. "Full moon and all that. Damn creatures."  
  
Remus felt like crying. "Did you ever catch whoever it was?"   
  
"Course not, by morning he'd look normal again, wouldn't he," said Raymond. "But if I ever do catch that bastard, he can forget a trial. I'll kill him myself…!"  
  
"Ray…" Cyrilia looked upset. Raymond calmed himself. "I'm sorry. I apologize. This is a matter I feel very strongly about."  
  
For a long time, no one spoke.  
  
"It's completely understandable," Remus' voice was practically a whisper. "Of course you would want to kill him, I'd kill him myself." 


	5. Breakdown

Disclaimer - You know the drill. You don't seriously think I created Harry Potter, do you? Give me a break, I'm not that smart. No, these characters are the sole property of J. Rowling and a number of publishing companies.   
  
A/N  
  
Sexy Black - Remus' parents will return in the next chapter, and if I do things the way I'm planning to, the shit will really hit the fan.  
  
AffectedMangoO - James will get the full story before much longer and become very involved, so no worries!  
  
Sirius Padfoot - glad to hear you're still reading! I've been looking through and enjoying some of your stuff as well.  
  
-Leaf  
  
HOLD ME, KEEP ME  
  
Sirius had to half-carry Remus back to their dormitory. Remus' eyes were open, but he seemed unaware of his surroundings. Sirius walked slowly, one hand around his friend's back, the other gripping Remus' arm, which he'd slung around his own shoulders. As soon as he'd entered the common room, James sprang up from a chair before the fire and took Remus' other arm. Together they got Remus into bed. James hugged him and went back downstairs, with a meaningful look at Sirius. Sirius sat on the bed beside Remus and buried his face in his hands. Now what?  
  
Remus was pale and trembling, staring at nothing. Sirius had expected pain, grief, maybe anger, but he didn't know how to handle this. It was too much. It was as though Remus' pain had become so overpowering that there was no room for anything else.  
  
Sighing, he looked up at Remus. "Moony?"   
  
Remus did not respond.  
  
"Moony, I'm going down to the common room for a while, okay?"  
  
Remus gave no sign that he'd heard.  
  
"Come get me if you need anything. I'll come check on you in a while"  
  
Silence. Sirius bit his lip and turned away.   
  
Downstairs in the common room, James bolted up when he saw Sirius. "Is he okay?"  
  
Sirius collapsed into a chair. "Not even a little bit. James, I'm really worried."  
  
"Can you please tell me what's going on? I know he made you promise, but I could help."  
  
Sirius didn't want to betray Remus, so he told a half-truth. "Remus found out today that his parents are prejudiced against werewolves, very strongly. They would despise him if they knew what he was."  
  
"That's…" James looked shocked. "That's terrible." He ran his hands through his hair. "I mean, I knew it was a possibility…but…"  
  
"I know," Sirius said heavily. James didn't know the half of it. "Anyway, he's up there now, just kind of staring off into space. I tried to talk to him, but it's like he doesn't even hear me. I don't know how to help him, James, and I'd do anything for him…" he broke off, unable to speak.  
  
"I know you would, Padfoot," James said softly. "We all would."  
  
A large grey rat scurried up to Sirius' feet. Sirius looked down at the rat, then back at James. "Is that…"  
  
"Peter." James nodded. As if to confirm the answer, the rat transfigured back into the form of Peter Pettigrew. He looked slightly ashamed.   
  
"I didn't mean to overhear," he said apologetically. "I was just practicing my Animagus form."  
  
"It's okay, Pete," James said. "We were going to let you know pretty soon anyway."  
  
"That rat looks great," Sirius managed a grin. "You've come a long way."  
  
"Yeah," Peter grinned. "I wanted to be able to come along on the next full moon. I felt really bad last time, that I couldn't be there for Remus."  
  
Sirius sat up straighter. "You know what Pete, I bet it'd cheer him up to see you transform. Let him know how much you care about him, that kind of thing. He'd appreciate how hard you've been working on this. How about you go show him what you can do?"  
  
"You really think it would help?" Peter looked doubtful.  
  
James shrugged. "Can't hurt to try."  
  
"Well, alright." Peter transformed and scurried upstairs. Sirius ran a hand through his hair, pushing it into disarray. "James, I don't know if there's an answer this time." He choked back a sob. "I just can't stand to see him like this, and I don't think there's anything to be done. You know I'd give anything to make it all right for him."  
  
"I know," James said softly. "He knows too, Sirius."   
  
"Knowing isn't helping him, though," Sirius said sadly. "He needs help, and there's nothing I can do. I don't think there's anything anyone can do.  
  
James grabbed Sirius' wrist. "Don't think you're not helping him, Padfoot. You've been there for him throughout this whole thing. You haven't let him out of your sight. Remus hasn't had to be alone for a moment, and you've got to know that having you beside him has made it easier. Maybe you can't make everything go away, but Sirius, he'll get through this. This is Remus we're talking about, remember? He managed his own transformations when he was six years old and living in a children's shelter." James managed a small smile. "He's tough."  
  
"You really think he'll be all right?" Sirius asked hopefully.  
  
"Of course he will be." James nodded reassuringly. "Remus can handle anything."  
  
Suddenly they heard a skittering sound followed by a series of loud bangs. Peter came tumbling down the stairs from the dormitory. James ran to help him up.  
  
"James!" Peter gasped. "Sirius! I was running while I transformed…fell down…Remus has…knife…"  
  
James cried, "what!" but almost before the word had left his mouth, Sirius had dashed past him and was racing up the stairs to the dormitory.  
  
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''  
  
Up in the dormitory, Remus gripped the handle of the knife firmly and angled the blade down towards his left wrist. No stranger to pain, he touched the tip to his wrist near the palm of his hand and pressed down. Blood began to well up quickly, and Remus allowed himself to watch for a moment. Then he steeled himself to drag the knife upwards along the length of his arm.  
  
Out of nowhere, a fierce blow connected with his right wrist and his hand released the knife. A hand grabbed it and wrenched it out of his arm. Now the blood was flowing freely, and Remus gasped at the pain. He looked up in time to see Sirius hurl the knife out the window.  
  
"S…Sirius…" Remus began, but Sirius ignored him. Pulling out his wand, he performed a quick healing spell, cursing his ineffective spell work. The wound closed partway, the bleeding lessened considerably. Frustrated, Sirius stripped off his shirt and violently ripped off the sleeves. He pressed one against the cut on Remus' wrist, protecting the wound and absorbing some of the blood. The other sleeve he tied tightly around his friend's wrist.  
  
Remus was uncomfortably aware that Sirius had not spoken to him since coming upstairs. His friend finished dressing his wound calmly - he had shown almost no emotion since the angry display of flinging Remus' knife out the window. He did not look at Remus. When he had finished, he stood and walked over to his bed, where he collapsed in sobs.  
  
Remus approached him slowly. "Sirius, are you mad?" Sirius did not reply. He swallowed hard. "Please don't be mad at me."  
  
"Don't be mad at you?" Remus flinched at the coldness in Sirius' voice. "Remus…I don't know how to feel. I don't…I don't know what to do with this." Aching, Remus sat down on the bed and put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "I know it's been hell lately, and I'm trying so hard to be everything you need, and I can't help you and that kills me. And that's all okay. But Remus, I can't stand it if you're doing this."  
  
Looking down, Remus said softly, "I don't know if I can live with what I know, Sirius. It hurts too much."  
  
"Well you're going to have to try!" Sirius finally faced him, and Remus was shocked at the pain in his eyes. "I need you, Moony! And James and Peter need you, and you can't give up on us."  
  
"Sirius…I killed my brother. How do I forgive myself for that?"  
  
Sirius had no answer, so he reached up to Remus and pulled him down next to him. Remus began to cry softly, and Sirius stroked his hair. "I love you," he whispered. "Remember when I promised you I'd make everything okay?"  
  
Remus nodded.  
  
"Well, I still will. I'm going to figure something out, I promise. I'm going to make this okay for you, Remy. But I need you to stick around for me, okay? Please."  
  
Remus sniffled. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I shouldn't have done it. I just don't see any other way out…"  
  
"We'll find a way," Sirius said firmly. "Now promise me you won't do that again?"  
  
"I…I promise."  
  
Remus felt Sirius shudder in relief.   
  
"I'm sorry, Sirius…" A single tear worked its way down his face. "Please forgive me?"  
  
"Remus." Sirius leaned over to look his friend in the eye. "You're my best friend. I love you. There is nothing you could possibly do that I wouldn't forgive."  
  
Reassured somewhat, Remus relaxed in Sirius' arms. Before long he had drifted into a light, uneasy sleep. 


	6. Research and Reward

Disclaimer - You know the drill. You don't seriously think I created Harry Potter, do you? Give me a break, I'm not that smart. No, these characters are the sole property of J. Rowling and a number of publishing companies.   
  
A/N - this is NOT the last chapter, although I know it kind of seems conclusive. There are many things yet to be wrapped up.  
  
Versipellis - Thanks!   
  
Meheeners - I liked your idea, but couldn't fit it into this chapter. You'll probably be seeing it in an upcoming chapter.  
  
HOLD ME, KEEP ME  
  
Sirius did not sleep.   
  
He lay awake beside Remus, one arm slung around his friend. After a while he heard James and Peter come up, but Sirius had closed the hangings around the bed and they did not disturb him. He watched Remus, who was pale, his forehead lined with concern. Occasionally he mumbled in his sleep, as though he were dreaming of something unpleasant, and Sirius tightened his hold on his friend. "What is it, Moony?" he whispered gently.  
  
Remus stirred, restless, and Sirius smoothed his hair. "Aw, Remus," he said softly. "Why'd you do this? You should have known I'd always be here for you." He sighed. "I need you, Moony. I know it's hard right now, but we'll figure something out. I promise. I don't know how, but I'm going to make this okay."  
  
Filled with resolve, Sirius hugged his best friend tight, then slipped out of bed and tiptoed over to James' trunk. The invisibility cloak was buried at the very bottom of the trunk, as usual. Slowly, careful not to make a sound, Sirius slipped the cloak out from under James' other possessions and threw it over his head. He crept down the stairs and through the common room to the portrait hole.  
  
"What the…" the Fat Lady mumbled sleepily as her portrait opened for no apparent reason. Sirius slipped out silently and headed for the library. He had promised to make things right for Moony, and he intended to keep his promise.  
  
The books on werewolf rights were buried deep in the restricted section. You needed a note from a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher to gain access to them, and Sirius had never been able to come up with a legitimate reason for needing to read a book on werewolves. All the books in this section offered ideas, theories, and information that were considered too dark or dangerous for student use, except in special exceptions.  
  
What none of the Hogwarts professors knew was that Sirius Black was no stranger to the restricted section of the library. He had been in here many nights, under the protection of James' invisibility cloak, looking for information on werewolves and their transformations. He had also researched several advanced healing spells. Even Remus did not know about Sirius' frequent visits to the library.  
  
Tonight, however, he planned to look in a section he had never touched previously. He knew that the penalties for werewolves who killed during the full moon were harsh, but he needed to find out what kind of defense a werewolf could present. Did Remus even have a chance?  
  
Sirius pulled down a book entitled "Werewolf Trials Of The Day." He flipped it open and sat down to read. It wasn't pretty - the vast majority of werewolves who went to trial for killing humans were sentenced to either death or long prison terms in Azkaban. The book included detailed photographs of the convicts being tortured before their executions.   
  
Sirius thought he might be sick. He shoved the book away and doubled over, trying to muffle his gagging with his fist. I won't let that happen to Remus, he told himself. I'll never let anyone hurt him.  
  
But Remus must have known about this, Sirius realized. Of course his bookish friend would have researched lycanthropy when he first understood he was a werewolf. Sirius tried to imagine a little six-year-old Remus looking at these pictures. Remus had known at that age that he'd killed someone, and seeing these pictures must have terrified him. Ever since then, Remus had been living in guilt and fear. God, Sirius thought, no wonder he's always been so pale and quiet.   
  
Regaining some control, he reached out and pulled the book back and began to read.  
  
"In the werewolf trial of 1941," the book read, "Ari Sorentson was accused of the most heinous crime of murdering eight civilians during a full moon. Sorentson claimed to be innocent of the charge, claiming that he had killed no one that night. However, the Wizengamot…"  
  
Sirius stared, his eyes widening as he continued to read. "Oh my god."  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
When Remus awoke, the sun was barely cracking through the window. Sirius was gone.  
  
"Sirius…" he mumbled, too exhausted to move despite having slept through the night. His nightmares had disturbed his sleep, and he'd not gotten the rest he so desperately needed. "Sirius…where…"  
  
The hangings around his bed were pulled back, but it was James, not Sirius. "Hey Remus. Feeling any better?"  
  
Remus mutely shook his head.  
  
"Aw, Rem." James helped Remus sit up and arranged the pillows behind his back. "Sirius told me how your parents feel about werewolves. I'm really sorry mate."  
  
"James…" Remus trailed off.  
  
"You don't have to talk if you don't want to, Rem."  
  
Remus nodded gratefully. "Sirius?"  
  
"I don't know where he is, mate. He was gone when I woke up."  
  
Remus looked downcast.  
  
James reached out and took his friend's hand. "You want me to look for him for you, Rem?"  
  
Remus nodded, not meeting James' eyes. James squeezed his hand and left the dormitory to look for Sirius.   
  
He had left the common room and gotten partway down the corridor when Sirius skidded around a corner and came barreling into him. "James! James! I found a book…you have to come quick!" He took James' hand and ran towards the library, pulling James along behind him.   
  
"Sirius, what's going on?"  
  
"Just…you have to come see!"  
  
The boys raced into the library, right past the librarian, who hollered after them. Sirius did not slow down. He ran right into the restricted section, James on his heels. "Sirius…" he panted, "…we're not…supposed to be…in here…"  
  
In answer, Sirius grabbed James' invisibility cloak from the corner where he'd tossed it and threw it over himself and James.   
  
"You stole my cloak?" James hissed.  
  
"Borrowed," Sirius whispered. "Go ahead and be mad, it's worth it." He handed James a book and pointed to a paragraph about halfway down the page. "Read it."  
  
"However," James read quietly, "the Wizengamot found that Sorentson's healing process had been accelerated, an effect caused in werewolves by the killing of a human. Not only had Sorentson awoken from the full moon free of visible injury, but when a test cut was made on his palm it healed immediately. This little-known but telltale sign lasts only until the next full moon. This is one reason the Wizengamot finds it so vital to try captured werewolves immediately." James looked up at Sirius. "So?"  
  
"So, Remus told me about his first transformation!" Sirius said excitedly. "He remembered waking up the morning after in the middle of the road, covered in someone else's blood and hurting like hell! Don't you get it? He can't have killed anyone that night, because he woke up with injuries, so he didn't have accelerated healing!"  
  
"Whoa, slow down," James said slowly. "Who said he killed anyone?"   
  
"He did! I mean, he thought he had killed his brother, but…"  
  
"He has a brother?"  
  
"No!" Sirius said in exasperation. "His brother was killed by a wolf, and we thought it must have been Remus, because he was a wolf that night, but…oh god," Sirius said slowly. "The other wolf. The one that bit Remus. That one must have killed his brother. I can't believe we didn't think of that!"  
  
"But you said Remus was covered in someone else's blood," James said.  
  
"Well, if the other wolf killed his brother, Remus was probably still around," Sirius said thoughtfully. "Maybe he fought the wolf. Maybe the blood was from the wolf. But if he didn't have the accelerated healing, he can't have killed anyone!" Sirius clutched James' arm. "He's innocent, James."  
  
"And this is why he's been so upset…" James said.  
  
"Yeah…"  
  
"Wow," James shook his head. "That's terrible."  
  
"No," Sirius grinned. "It's fabulous. He's innocent. We have to tell him."  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Remus was curled up in bed when Sirius came bursting in. "Moony! Moony, I have to ask you something. It's so important."  
  
Remus struggled to pay attention. "Sirius?"  
  
"Remus, remember your very first transformation? The night you left home?"  
  
A shadow crossed Remus' face. He nodded slowly.  
  
"Well…" Sirius paused carefully. "What was it like when you woke up? Were you hurt?"  
  
"It was pretty bad," Remus said quietly. "You know how I bite my wrists when I transform? I'd bitten my wrists and ankles all to hell, and I woke up bleeding and crying and didn't know where I was." A tear fell down his face. "And I had someone else's blood all over my chest and hands."  
  
Sirius sat down on the bed and put a hand on Remus' shoulder. He met his friend's eyes. "Remus…I found something in a book. Werewolves who've killed have accelerated healing. If your wrists were still bloody when you woke up, your healing wasn't accelerated."  
  
Remus stared at him, trembling. "What are you saying?"  
  
"You didn't kill anyone, Remy. The blood must have come from something else, but you can't have killed anyone. We have proof. You're innocent."  
  
Remus stared at him for a moment longer, and then fell limply into Sirius' arms. "Please don't let this be a dream…"  
  
"It's real, Remy," Sirius rubbed his friend's back. "It's okay. Everything's all right."  
  
"Oh…" Remus leaned against Sirius, exhausted. Sirius held onto his best friend and let himself cry. It was going to be fine. 


	7. Confession

Disclaimer - You know the drill. You don't seriously think I created Harry Potter, do you? Give me a break, I'm not that smart. No, these characters are the sole property of J. Rowling and a number of publishing companies.   
  
A/N - This IS the last chapter. I know you've come to expect regular daily updates from me, and you can expect more of that in the future, but I'm going out of town for the weekend. The first chapter of my new story, a sequel to this, will be up on SUNDAY NIGHT. You'll all just have to hold on until then. Can you make it? I hope so, cause my next story's gonna be good.  
  
-Leaf  
  
HOLD ME, KEEP ME  
  
Sirius looked down. Remus had fallen asleep against him.  
  
He smiled. This was okay, for now. He smoothed his friend's hair and felt Remus shift in his arms. Poor guy had been through a lot in the last twenty-four hours.   
  
Sirius felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up. James was standing behind him, flanked by Peter. "How is he?" James asked.  
  
"Better," Sirius smoothed Remus' hair. "He's actually asleep now, and I don't think he's dreaming. He's got to go meet with his parents in about an hour, though."  
  
"Right," Peter groaned, "I'd forgotten that."  
  
"What's he going to do?" James asked.  
  
"I don't know…tell them everything, I guess," Sirius sighed. "They've got a right to know what happened to their family, even if it does turn them against Remus. If they can't see how wonderful he is, even with his lycanthropy, they don't deserve to have him back."  
  
Remus smiled slightly in his sleep. James took his hand.  
  
"I'm going to wake him, I think." Sirius put a hand on James' wrist. "Do you think you guys could leave us alone for a bit?"  
  
"Why?" Peter demanded. James held a hand out as if warning back the smaller boy.  
  
"It's just he's had so much to deal with lately," Sirius said. "I think he might be overwhelmed if we were all here."  
  
"He's right, Pete," James agreed. "C'mon, let's leave these two alone. We'll catch up with them later."  
  
Grumbling, Peter followed James down the staircase. Sirius turned his attention to the boy in his arms. "Moony? C'mon, mate, wake up." He ran a hand lightly over Remus' forehead. Remus stirred, his eyes blinked open.   
  
"S…Sirius?"  
  
"Hey Remy. Sleep well?"  
  
"No nightmares…" Remus put a hand to his forehead as though confused about something. "Sirius, I think I dreamed something though…did you come in here and show me something from a book…"  
  
"…that proved you were innocent?" Sirius grinned. "Yeah, Moony, I did."  
  
"It wasn't a dream?" Remus looked terrified. Like he thought he might wake up at any moment.  
  
"Oh, Remy…" Sirius wrapped his arms tightly around his friend. "I promise, it's completely real. You didn't kill anyone that night."  
  
Remus leaned into Sirius. "My whole life…ever since…I've always thought I was a murderer…"  
  
"But you weren't." Sirius tilted Remus' chin so his friend had to meet his eyes. "Remus, you have never killed in your life."  
  
Remus began to cry softly.  
  
"Remy," Sirius continued softly, "everything's going to be all right now."  
  
"Like you promised."  
  
Sirius thought back. He had promised that.  
  
The boys sat together and held on to each other for a long time. Finally Sirius spoke: "Moony, we've got to go meet your parents and Dumbledore."  
  
"Okay," Remus agreed. They stood and pulled on their cloaks. "Sirius, I'm going to tell them about my…how I'm a werewolf. Now that we know I'm innocent, what's the worst that could happen?"  
  
Sirius gripped his friend's shoulder. "I'm proud of you, Remy."  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
There was no easy way to do this, Remus realized, staring at the expectant faces of his parents across the room. How did you follow up "I have something to tell you" with "I'm a werewolf"? I'm a werewolf, I'm a dangerous creature. See these scars on my face? I made those. You wouldn't want to see my wrists. How do I tell you this?  
  
After a long silence, Cyrilia spoke. "What is it, Remus?"  
  
Remus looked helplessly at Sirius. Sirius seemed to understand, and stood. "Remus and I have done some research and have figured out what happened the night you lost your sons." Cyrilia closed her eyes, but Sirius continued. "A werewolf did come into your yard that night. We don't know who it was, but we do know it attacked both your children."  
  
He paused to let that sink in. After a moment, Raymond said faintly, "You're saying Remus was also attacked?"  
  
Cyrilia whimpered.  
  
Emboldened, Remus spoke. "Yes. I was attacked by the werewolf that killed my brother. I escaped and ran away…but not before I was bitten."  
  
He raised his shirt and showed them the scars on his chest. Even Sirius had never seen these, and he stared openly, fascinated. "That…that's where it…"  
  
"…bit me, yeah," Remus nodded.   
  
Sirius buried his head in his hands.  
  
Cyrilia said softly, "But…Remus…the bite of a werewolf…"  
  
"I know," Remus said. "Ever since that night, I've been…" he swallowed hard. "I've been a werewolf myself."  
  
There was a long pause. Dumbledore looked pensive, and flashed a questioning look at Remus. Remus nodded slowly to confirm what he assumed Dumbledore would suspect, that he and Sirius had uncovered the truth of his innocence.  
  
Raymond was staring at Remus, his eyes narrowed, suddenly suspicious. Cyrilia looked frightened and was clutching the arms of her chair so hard her knuckles had gone white. Everyone was silent except for Sirius, who was sniffling slightly, his hands still over his face. When the silence had become uncomfortable, Remus stood and led his friend over to a chair. He pulled his hands away from his eyes and hugged him. Sirius hugged him back, gently.  
  
Finally, Cyrilia spoke. "Remus…"  
  
He turned to face her. Her face was a mask of pain.   
  
"Remus…does it hurt you?"  
  
"Transforming?" He met her eyes. She wasn't ready. "It's not too bad."  
  
Sirius' head jerked up. "It is bad!"  
  
"Sirius, don't…"  
  
"It's hell on you, don't even say it's not! I've seen you afterwards, every time, all bloody and scared and…" Sirius seemed to realize who was listening. "Damn it. I'm sorry."  
  
Ray spoke sharply, suddenly. "Cyrilia, let's go."  
  
"Oh, but Ray…"  
  
"Don't start, I'm warning you," he said, glaring at her. "Remus…we're leaving. I'm very sorry to hear of what happened to you. We'll contact you by owl if we want another meeting." Raymond stormed out.   
  
Cyrilia lingered. "Remus…you mustn't mind him, he's only reacting…it's come as an awful shock…" She approached him and cautiously put her arms around him. "I do care for you, very much, and I'm so sorry...for everything…"  
  
"It wasn't anyone's fault," Remus said. "And I really am okay."  
  
"Is he?" She looked at Sirius tremblingly.  
  
"He's fine," Sirius smiled, slinging an arm around his best friend's shoulders. "He's got us to look after him."  
  
"Give me some time to talk to Ray…calm him down," she said. "But I want you home for the Christmas holiday, if you'll come. Bring your friends if they'd like, as well."  
  
Remus smiled. "I'd like that…Mum."  
  
Cyrilia left. Remus turned, threw his arms around Sirius, and did not let go for a long time.  
  
A/N - TO MY REVIEWERS  
  
Animagus Brushtail - Yeah, tune in to the sequel to see how they react in the long term. It'll be up Sunday night/early Monday morning  
  
Versipellis - I couldn't kill him. I need him in my future stories! Can you make it until my next update? Hehe.  
  
Strawby168 - It can be read as slash, but I always like reading it as non-slash too. It's so innocent and sweet that way.  
  
SP-in-Sirius-Denial - You're back! Fabulous!   
  
Sirius Padfoot - I wondered if that other-wolf thing was a bit too obvious, but you're the only one who mentioned it. So I guess you're just a bit too smart.  
  
AffectedMangoO - More about his parents' feelings in the sequel!  
  
HappyDappyDrunk - I'm so glad you liked it, cause I recognized your screen name and realized I had read and loved your "Our Demons" before I even wrote this. I guess I didn't review either…well, now we're even.  
  
Meheeners - I want to see that pic! Is it online? You need to give me the URL! NOW!  
  
Budgiebird - Glad you liked it. 


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